Did anyone really see it coming? That Donald Trump would be heading up for the next President of the United States of America? It would have been almost unthinkable but for the fact that it looks like it’s on the cards. We take a look at The Trumpster’s most endearing features and consider whether he’s the man for job!
He has a private jet.
Don’t underestimate the power of your own plane to whiz people into voting for Trump. It’s not just the plane but his millions of billions that promises you too can become fabulous. You too, Mr Standard American can be like me, you can be rich. Of course the downside to this is that you may not have much of a country left if the old Trumpster is left in charge. Banning all non-whites from enter to the USA might make the rest of the world think twice about doing business with a country full of racists. A plus side could come down to the fact that putting all the racists in one country would make it easier to decide where to live or where to go on holiday.
He speaks to the inner bigot.
Let’s face it, most of us at one time or another have had bad thoughts about something we shouldn’t. Then we check ourselves because we know it ain’t right but old Trumpster gives us the green light to embrace our inner bigot! From calling asylum seekers rapists and criminals to putting up protective borders, he seems to be speaking a language that a little bit of many Americans understand. That something my friend is your inner bigot. It’s the part of you that would chose revenge over justice, act without thinking and speak without considering the other side of the argument. The problem is that once you start listening to your little inner bigot, it turns into a BIGGEROT. This is the kind of person that…
His Stance on Women’s Rights.
He seems to be happy to alienate 50% of the North American population safe his own misogynistic knowledge that women don’t really count. After the first Republican debate he asked journalist Megyn Kelly of Fox News if she asked him uncomfortable questions because she was having her period! Apparently women are run by their wombs not their brains in Donald Trump Land. So, if you’re happy with referring to the womenfolk as fat pigs and slobs then the Trumpster is just the right fit for you. Of course I’m not sure many women are going to be all that impressed.
He’s made in the USA.
Donald Trump’s success could be down to the fact that he claims he has ‘true’ American authenticity as his fathers and forefathers are ‘made in the USA.’ Let’s remember that some of these forefathers were active members of the Klu Klux Klan though. But it seems to be more important that he fits neatly into the “birther” movement than whether his relatives went around merrily lynching black people. Worryingly, Trump has publicly refused to condemn the KKK which tells us he’s a bit of a nutter.
If I can do it, you can do it!
His seemingly positive stance toward the hundreds of thousands of poverty-stricken North Americans that anyone can better themselves is surely commendable right? I mean if a strange, orange faced, flossy-moth haired maniac can eventually be a millionaire and run for presidency anyone can right? Anyone can start from the bottom and get to the top just like Donald Trump. Except he didn’t start at the bottom. He started with $10 million dollars in his itty bitty purse. And of course he doesn’t mean women because they have reproductive organs for brains. Oh and he doesn’t mean non-whites because they’re forefathers don’t believe in the North American creed of killing off the native populations. And he also doesn’t mean migrants because lets not forget, in the Trumpster’s world all migrants are rapists and criminals. So who do you mean Donald when you say, you can do it? Even Nike with its appalling track record of poor staff working conditions and exploitation can do better than that.
He’s a successful businessman.
OK so he may have been born with a few million in his pants but he’s made a successful go of it, right? He even teaches other mere mortals how to be successful like him. So if you want to bankrupt 10 companies, vote for the Trumpster and attend his seminars. You’ll be on your way to flushing businesses down the toilet in no time at all!
His “Superior” Negotiating Skills.
Apparently on his own admission, when he enters office as the next president of the USA, Trump plans to deal with terrorism. Specifically talking about ISIS Trump reportedly explained how he was going to curb the threat of terrorism: with his superior negotiation skills. Now would these be the skills he used when he said he wanted to put up MASSIVE borders to keep all the starving, homeless and traumatized refugees out of America? Because if so, I think he’s going to need some training in this area. Sounds more like terrorist-inducing not terrorist-placating!
He Loves America
It’s true, Donald loves America, he loves each and every state and wants to keep loving them just the way they are. Without the migrants of course. And without the fear of the other half of America down the bottom. You know that bit past New Mexico? Yeah, he doesn’t like that particular bit of America. In fact, he’s pretty scared of that bit to the point where he’s thinking about building a Wall of Mexico to keep them safely in their part of the continent to avoid any confusion. Don’t worry though, it won’t cost you a penny. The hard-up Mexicans will be paying for it.
He has a Really Good Sense of Humor
Well he doesn’t. He really, really doesn’t. The most funny and roll on the floor laughing hashtag on this is #FuckFaceVonClownstick the name given to the Trumpster by John Stewart on the Daily Show. His reaction to this was totally priceless where he threw a massive hissy fit (dare I say it like he was having his own man-period) and took to Twitter calling out anyone who thought the nickname was funny as “losers.” If that wasn’t enough to seal the deal on Trump’s true feelings about his fellow citizens he started bashing Stewart calling his a self-hating Jew. So you’ve alienated the women, most of the African Americans, all of the more recent immigrants and now the Jewish community. Who exactly is going to be living in this USA of yours, Donald Trump?